Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
