literally had 100 drinks last night.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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