Sry I called you an 8
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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