alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Randomize
