So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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