you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
