I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
