I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
