Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
