So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize