i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
