If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
