You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
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