you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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