She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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