drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
