Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
