do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
