Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
