Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
