I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
