Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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