chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my shit smells like andre
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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