Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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