There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
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