My hair reeks of homosexuality.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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