He disabled his match.com account in front of me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
