If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
so much tequila, so little girl.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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