Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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