I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
