Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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