dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
