Jerry, you need to find god
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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