I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Randomize
