did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
