so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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