My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
