Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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