Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
