i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
