so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
