He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
