I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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