You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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