You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize