Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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