Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
