Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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