Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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