Who did Billy Mays play for?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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