I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
smell my finger.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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