Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
