just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
