There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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