I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
