My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize