it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize