I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
