i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
