I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
