also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
