so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
