it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
