Tell her she can't have a vagina
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
