Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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