2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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