im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
